You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
