I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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