Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
How external is "for external use only"?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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