i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
