my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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