So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize
