dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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