i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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