Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
no, he came in my armpit
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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