i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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