apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
