sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
