your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
