i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Ladies don't puke and tell
there is glitter all over my balls
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize