I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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