I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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