i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
