Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
