In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
