TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
