i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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