I'm going to jail i love you
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
