I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
