I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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