I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
