I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
