Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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