Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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