It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
