Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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