Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
