cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
