Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
