you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
