he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
