God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
