For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
this will be a night to untag.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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