NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
