I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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