I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
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Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
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Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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