Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she peed on how many people?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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