i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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