did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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