i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
