my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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