So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
