i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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