what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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