i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
