if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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