come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
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And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
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It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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