couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
