I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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