if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
