Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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