I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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