Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
