I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
