at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
