okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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