Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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