i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
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You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
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It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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