I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Boobs speak an international language.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
