You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
