hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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