do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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