I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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