Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
