you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
