eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
