OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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