My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
