Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
