Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I deserve this hangover.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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