the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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