its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
