why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You are a genius and a whore.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
